Gaslight
by this-heart
Summary: Her face betrayed no emotion as her still heart stirred, just once, before silencing again for another several hundred years or more, however long before she was to burn. Aro/Jane, trigger warnings inside.


**TITLE: **Gaslight

**AUTHOR: **_this-heart_

**SUMMARY: **Her face betrayed no emotion as her still heart stirred, just once, before silencing again for another several hundred years or more, however long before she was to burn. Aro/Jane, trigger warnings inside.

**A/N:** Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory, perception and sanity. It may simply be the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, or it could be the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.

**Trigger warnings** for psychological torture, dubious consent, and general fuckery.

Regular warnings for tense changes between sections.

* * *

_Of course Jane had known what grooming was, knew the purpose. It was harder, however, to put it in context, hold it up like a jewel to the gaslight in the dark that was her immortal life. _

_(She swivels her wrist, observing the concept from each angle, watching the light shine through. The lamp dims into apathy, leaving her with a dull stone and lackluster surroundings. When she hurls it at the floor, the sound is sharp and very decidedly _not dull.)

_It makes her feel a little sick to think about, so she really does try not to. She's not crazy, she's not a masochist, and when she sits in the corner of her room and very carefully digs her razor-edged teeth into her wrists, it's not because she's sad. _

_(So why?) _

_But they'd never really understand, not even Alec, kind and caring though he may be. Meaning well and understanding are mutually exclusive, she's found._

* * *

It was raining when she realized that she felt something.

She was in the throne room, milling about as they did, waiting for Heidi and just _barely_ doing their jobs as guards (because of whom did they need to be suspicious, besides each other?). Alec was there, she remembers that much. What they discussed has been snatched and hidden by time.

The sun broke through the thick clouds at some point. She turned to watch the light fall across everyone, see their skin sparkle like crystals. Reaching out into the stream of sun, she held some in her glittering hand and stared.

Eventually, she must have looked up.

Her eyes landed on her Master, Aro, and his throne. The light didn't sparkle on his skin the way it did hers, as if there were diamonds embedded there. His dusty skin shimmered, a light glow against the broken beads of light reflected by the others. Jane realized then, as he spoke with Caius (who was shouting something she doesn't recall).

She saw the shine on his face, and imagined, reflexively, her lips brushing that skin.

Her face betrayed no emotion as her still heart stirred, just once, before silencing again for another several hundred years or more, however long before she was to burn.

* * *

It is several days later.

She keeps her eyes on the floor, letting the great door to his study fall shut behind her. "You called for me, Master?" she asks.

"Yes," he answers, a smile in his breathy voice, and she hears him stand. "Please come here, Jane."

She swallows the venom gathering like bile in her mouth. Carefully she steps right-left-right-left-right, making her way to his desk. _One foot in front of the other foot in front of the one foot in front of the other… _

"Ah, Jane." He embraces her when she's close enough, and her nerves almost vanish as she gets to inhale his scent, like sun and a little like dust. She doesn't realize she'd been trembling until she stops. _Okay. It's okay._

"Is… there something you wanted?" She asks against his cloak.

He pulls her away to look her in the eye. "Not exactly." He leans in, and if she had a heartbeat, it might have sputtered, like a candle's flame. "But I do believe," he murmurs, "That there is something you wanted."

Her breath snags in her throat, and her eyes widen. He grins. "So lucky you are," he says, and kisses her gently.

For a moment she can't think, can only stand unresponsively as his lips move over hers. Here she is, having her recently realized fantasy come true, and she can barely move let alone speak or breathe or kiss him back. She could just slap herself.

When he chuckles against her lips, pulling her closer by her waist, she breaks out of her trance and experimentally parts her lips, just so. She gasps at the feeling of his tongue in her mouth, the sudden squirm in her lower stomach, the heat that blooms over her body. _What? Why?_

"Shh," he quiets her, and as she lets him lift her onto his desk, she doesn't think about how she hasn't said a word.

* * *

That won't be the first time, no. The first time will come much later, when Alec is away, when they have a more private place. That place will be Jane's room, and she won't take into account what a bad idea this is.

(He will want to be sure of her loyalty, her ability to keep their relationship secret. Little steps, you know?)

It will hurt, just _that much,_ but she'll know how privileged she is. He loves her, that much will be clear.

There will be no other explanation. If he doesn't love her, will he have kissed her so deeply? Will he have dragged his hands so gently over her body, assuring her that yes, she is beautiful? Will he have lingered for so long, his eyes and hands everywhere, as if drinking her to her very dregs?

He'll leave, and she'll tell herself not to cry. He won't have time to be her prince, every hour of every day. He just won't. That will not be his fault.

So it will just have to be hers.


End file.
